Losing a spouse is devastating. But you know what else is? The unsolicited opinions of people who think they get a say in when and how you move forward. The moment you even think about dating again, the judgment parade rolls in. But guess what? You don’t need their approval. You’ve survived unimaginable loss, and now it’s time to survive something almost as treacherous: public opinion.
Let’s take a look at the six types of people who will judge you, and how to shut out their noise.
1. The “Too Soon” Police
These folks believe there’s an official, universally agreed-upon timeline for grief. (Spoiler: there isn’t.) Whether it’s been six months or six years, they’ll insist it’s either too soon or that you’ve waited too long and are now “too set in your ways.” You can’t win with them, so why try?
How to ignore them: Nod, smile, and do whatever the hell you want. They don’t live your life. You do.
2. The “Saintly Widow” Enthusiasts
In their minds, a proper widow spends the rest of her days in black, clutching old love letters, and whispering, “He was my one and only” while staring longingly at the ocean.
How to ignore them: Politely remind them that love isn’t a one-time ticket. You had a beautiful love story, and now you deserve another.
3. Your In-Laws (Aka the Grief Gatekeepers)
Bless their hearts. Some may be genuinely supportive, but others will act like your dating life is a betrayal to their family legacy. They may even make you feel guilty, as if moving forward erases the past. (It doesn’t.)
How to ignore them: If they truly loved you as part of the family, they should want you to find happiness. If they don’t? That’s their issue, not yours.
4. The “Your Kids Come First” Crowd
These people love to remind you that your children need you, as if considering companionship suddenly makes you a negligent parent. Spoiler alert: Happy parents raise happy kids.
How to ignore them: Let them know that prioritizing yourself sometimes isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Your happiness and well-being directly affect your family’s.
5. The Ghost Whisperers
They’ll suggest that your late spouse is watching you and might not approve. Because apparently, your husband is now the star of Widowed and Watching instead of resting in peace.
How to ignore them: Kindly inform them that if your spouse truly loved you, they wouldn’t want you lonely and miserable. And if they do? Well, you’re alive and they’re not, so…
6. Your Own Inner Critic
Sometimes, the worst judgment doesn’t come from others, it comes from you. Maybe you feel guilty for wanting to love again. Maybe you worry that moving on means forgetting. It doesn’t.
How to ignore it: Remind yourself that love isn’t a finite resource. Moving forward doesn’t mean moving on, it means allowing yourself to embrace joy again. And isn’t that what your late spouse would want?
Final Thoughts: Your Life, Your Rules
At the end of the day, no one else has to live your life but you. People will talk no matter what, so you might as well do what makes you happy.
What’s been your experience with dating judgment? Drop a comment below and let’s talk about it!