So, you’re thinking about dating again. First off, bravo! That’s huge. But before you go swiping right or saying yes to that “nice” guy your well-meaning friend is pushing on you, let’s get real. Dating as a widow isn’t the same as dating in your 20s. You’ve lived, you’ve loved, and you’ve lost. And now? It’s time to make sure that whatever comes next is on your terms.
Here are six must-do steps before jumping back into the deep (and sometimes murky) waters of dating.
1. Give Yourself Permission (Because Guilt Is a Joy-Killer)
Let’s be honest, widow guilt is a thing. That nagging voice whispering, Is this too soon? Am I betraying my late spouse? What will people think? Here’s the truth: You are allowed to be happy again. Your love for your late spouse doesn’t expire just because your heart is ready to open up again. So give yourself permission to live, love, and maybe even flirt a little.
2. Get to Know You Again
Who were you before you were a wife? Who are you now? For years, your identity was wrapped up in “we.” Now it’s time to rediscover “me.” Try new hobbies, say yes to experiences you never considered before, and, most importantly, find out what brings you joy outside of a relationship. Because the best way to attract the right person? Be someone you actually enjoy being!
3. Have the “Ghost Talk” With Yourself
Okay, let’s address the elephant (or ghost) in the room. Your late spouse will always be part of your life. But will they be a silent guardian in the background, or a looming presence at every dinner table? Before dating, decide how you want to handle their memory in your new relationship. Will you talk about them openly? Set boundaries on what feels right for you. Because let’s face it: No new partner wants to compete with a saintly, forever-perfect memory.
4. Know What You Won’t Tolerate
You’ve been through enough. Now is not the time to settle for red flags, bare minimum effort, or lukewarm affection. Make a list (yes, an actual list) of what’s absolutely non-negotiable for you in a new relationship. Whether it’s emotional availability, a sense of humor, or just a basic ability to communicate like an adult, know your standards and stick to them.
5. Practice Saying “No Thanks”
Newsflash: You don’t owe anyone a date just because they’re interested. That guy who keeps calling even though you’re not feeling it? The friend who insists, “Give him a chance!” You can say no. And you don’t have to explain yourself. Protect your energy, your time, and your peace.
6. Have Fun (No, Seriously)
Listen, dating can be awkward, hilarious, and downright bizarre. Embrace it! Laugh at the cringey pickup lines. Enjoy the thrill of butterflies again. You’re not here to rush down the aisle, you’re here to live. So go on that date, wear that dress that makes you feel unstoppable, and order dessert just because.
Final Thought: Are You Really Ready?
Dating isn’t a race, and there’s no prize for starting first. The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself. So before you say “yes” to someone new, make sure you’ve said “yes” to yourself first.