Dating after loss isn’t just stepping back into the pool, it’s diving into an ocean filled with everything from goldfish to sharks. Whether you’re dipping your toes or cannonballing, avoiding certain mistakes can make the journey smoother, more enjoyable, and less “Why did I even swipe right?” Here are seven common dating pitfalls widows often stumble into (with love, humor, and a touch of sass), and how to sidestep them gracefully.
1. Comparing Everyone to Your Late Spouse
Let’s face it, your late spouse might’ve been your soulmate, your partner-in-crime, or the person who didn’t judge your midnight cheesecake habit. But dragging their memory into every date? A recipe for disaster.
Avoid It:
Focus on learning about your date as an individual. Celebrate the new quirks and traits they bring to the table. They’re not here to fill someone else’s shoes; they’re trying to walk beside you in their own.
2. Rushing Back Into the Game
Trying to “win” dating by saying yes to every dinner invite, coffee date, or bowling night? You’re not a contestant on “The Bachelor”, you’re someone navigating a delicate, personal journey.
Avoid It:
Take your time. You’re not just looking for a plus-one; you’re building a life. Figure out what you want before you RSVP to every date night suggestion.
3. Oversharing Too Soon
“Hi, I’m Linda. My husband passed away three years ago after a battle with cancer. He loved fishing, jazz, and burnt toast.”
While honesty is important, unloading your life story on date one might make your potential love interest wish they’d ordered their coffee to go.
Avoid It:
Think layers. Reveal bits and pieces of your life gradually. Dating is like an onion (without the tears). Let them peel back the layers in their own time.
4. Ignoring Red Flags
Oh, he’s “sort of” separated? She’s always texting during dinner? They think pineapple belongs on pizza? (Okay, that last one’s debatable.) Red flags might be obvious or subtle, but ignoring them is like inviting drama to move into your guest room.
Avoid It:
Trust your gut. If something feels off, don’t brush it aside. You deserve a partner who aligns with your values and treats you right.
5. Dating for the Wrong Reasons
Loneliness is a tough emotion, but using dating solely to fill that void? That’s like eating a cupcake for dinner. Sure, it’s sweet and satisfying in the moment, but it’s not exactly nourishing.
Avoid It:
Check your motives. Are you dating to find love and connection, or to avoid being alone? Prioritize self-love before seeking love from someone else.
6. Being Afraid to Set Boundaries
“Oh, it’s fine if you’re an hour late.” “Sure, I’ll cancel my plans because you forgot we had a date.” Stop it. Right now. Being accommodating doesn’t mean being a doormat.
Avoid It:
Remember, boundaries aren’t walls, they’re fences with gates. Communicate what you need and expect, and don’t settle for less.
7. Forgetting to Have Fun
Dating isn’t a chore or a business transaction (well, unless you’re into speed-dating accountants). It’s about connection, laughter, and maybe a few happy surprises. Don’t overthink every interaction or take it too seriously.
Avoid It:
Embrace the awkward moments, laugh at the weird ones, and enjoy the journey. The right person will find their way to you, even if you’re not perfect.
Closing Thoughts
Remember, dating isn’t about replacing your past but enriching your future. You’re a beautiful, capable woman with a life story worth sharing, and there’s someone out there who’d be lucky to hear it. By avoiding these common mistakes, you’ll not only date smarter but have more fun along the way.
Now go out there, laugh, love, and maybe let yourself swipe right on someone who’s not a complete disaster. Cheers to new beginnings and a love life that’s as fabulous as you are!