Ladies, let’s talk. You finally decide to dip your toe back into the dating pool after being widowed, and BAM, disaster. Either you attract emotionally unavailable man-children or the good ones vanish faster than your motivation to hit the gym on a Monday.

So what gives?

Turns out, some of the dating habits we develop (often without even realizing) can send emotionally available men running for the hills. But don’t worry, I’m here to help you spot these dealbreakers before they ruin your second shot at love. Let’s dive in.

1. Comparing Him to Your Late Husband (Even in Your Head)

Newsflash: No man wants to compete with a ghost. It’s one thing to honor your late husband’s memory, but if every story starts with, “Well, John used to…,” you’re making him feel like a stand-in, not a partner. Keep those beautiful memories, but give this new guy a chance to create fresh ones with you.

2. Oversharing Your Trauma Too Soon

Yes, your loss is a huge part of your story. But your first few dates aren’t therapy sessions. Emotionally available men want connection, not a tragic monologue over appetizers. Timing is everything, share when there’s trust, not before the entrées arrive.

3. Testing Him to See If He’ll Leave

Ever cancel plans last minute just to see how he reacts? Ignore his texts to “see if he really cares”? Congrats, you’re self-sabotaging. Emotionally available men appreciate honesty and communication, not mind games. If you’re constantly testing him, he’ll realize the only test he wants to pass is the one where he walks away.

4. Expecting Him to Read Your Mind

Men, no matter how wonderful, are not psychic. If you want something, say it. If you’re feeling a certain way, express it. The good ones will listen and respond accordingly, but they won’t decipher your Morse code of sighs and passive-aggressive silence.

5. Clinging Like a Velcro Octopus

I get it, you don’t want to lose another person you care about. But being too available, constantly checking in, or planning his entire week before he even asks for a second date? That’s a one-way ticket to Repel-Ville. Give him space to miss you.

6. Keeping One Foot in the Past

Still wearing your wedding ring on dates? Keeping “widowed” in your dating profile? It’s okay to acknowledge your journey, but if you’re signaling that you’re not truly open to new love, emotionally available men will take the hint, and take off.

7. Letting Fear Control Your Actions

You fear rejection. You fear getting hurt. You fear opening your heart again. But love doesn’t happen in a bubble of safety. If your fear of loss is stronger than your desire to connect, you’ll unconsciously push away the very men you want to attract.

8. Ignoring Red Flags Because You’re ‘Just Grateful to Be Dating Again’

Listen, being widowed doesn’t mean you should settle. If a man is inconsistent, emotionally closed off, or just plain shady, don’t make excuses. Emotionally available men aren’t rare unicorns, you just have to stop entertaining the wrong ones.

9. Not Investing in Your Own Healing First

Here’s the real talk: If you haven’t done the inner work to heal, no relationship will feel right. Confidence, self-love, and emotional clarity are your best dating assets.

Need help getting there? That’s where Love Again Coaching comes in. This program is designed specifically for widowed women looking to navigate the dating world without the baggage. Think of it as your emotional reset button, helping you release the past, rebuild confidence, and attract the kind of love you deserve.

Ready to stop pushing away the good ones?

To learn how Love Again Coaching can help you attract healthy, fulfilling love, without the drama.

Now, tell me: Which of these habits have you caught yourself doing? Let’s chat in the comments!