So, you finally decided to dip your toe back into the dating pool. First of all, bravo! Dating after loss isn’t easy, but here you are, eyebrows plucked, wearing real pants, and swiping right like a pro. But wait! Before you step into that cozy little wine bar, let’s talk about the things that can turn a promising first date into a cringe-worthy disaster.
Grab a coffee (or a stiff drink, no judgment), and let’s dive into the 10 things that can instantly ruin a first date, and how to avoid them like a pro!
1. Talking About Your Late Husband Non-Stop
Look, it’s completely normal to want to share your past. But turning the entire date into a TED Talk titled “My Deceased Husband: A Love Story” is a sure way to make your date feel like an unintentional third wheel.
How to Avoid It:
- Acknowledge your past if it feels natural, but don’t let it dominate the conversation.
- Focus on who YOU are today, your dreams, your goals, your Netflix obsessions.
- If they ask about your late spouse, keep it brief and positive, then pivot to the present.
2. Trauma-Dumping Before the Appetizers Arrive
Did your last relationship end in heartbreak? Of course, it did. But dumping your entire emotional baggage onto someone before the bread basket hits the table is not the way to go. First dates should be light, fun, and flirtatious, not an episode of Dr. Phil.
How to Avoid It:
- If you feel the urge to overshare, take a deep breath and ask them a question instead.
- Save the deep dives for later dates when trust is built.
3. Dressing Like You Just Escaped a Cult
Grief is tough, and maybe you got used to wearing black 24/7, but showing up looking like a Victorian widow in mourning? Not the vibe.
How to Avoid It:
- Wear something that makes you feel confident and alive, even if it’s just a pop of color in your accessories.
- Remember: You’re not just a widow; you’re a whole, radiant person!
4. Ordering for Him Like You’re His Mother
“Oh no, you don’t want that. Too much sodium!” Congratulations, you just became his mom.
How to Avoid It:
- Let him order his own food.
- If you have dietary restrictions, mention them casually, don’t enforce them on your date.
5. Bringing Up Marriage or Future Plans Too Soon
Yes, we get it. You’ve been married before, and maybe you’d like to be again. But leading with “So, how do you feel about remarriage?” before the drinks even arrive is a mood killer.
How to Avoid It:
- Keep things light and fun. First dates are for connection, not commitment negotiations.
- If he brings up long-term relationships, great! Otherwise, let things flow naturally.
6. Overanalyzing Everything He Says
Not everything is a secret code. If he says, “I had a great time,” don’t start dissecting if “great” is better than “amazing.”
How to Avoid It:
- Assume he means what he says.
- Enjoy the moment instead of mentally scripting your future together.
7. Checking Your Phone Like You’re Running a Fortune 500 Company
Nothing says “I’d rather be anywhere else” like scrolling through Instagram while your date is talking.
How to Avoid It:
- Keep your phone in your bag, on silent.
- The only acceptable reason to check it? Emergency. Otherwise, be present.
8. Being Too Polite (AKA: The Doormat Syndrome)
Saying “Whatever you want!” to everything isn’t charming, it’s boring.
How to Avoid It:
- Have opinions. If you love sushi, say so. Hate jazz? Speak up.
- A little playful banter makes the conversation more engaging.
9. Overselling Your “Single” Life
“I LOVE being single! It’s the best thing ever!” Uh… then why are you on a date?
How to Avoid It:
- Be honest: You’re open to dating, but you also value your independence.
- Confidence is attractive, but don’t make it seem like you’re on the date as a social experiment.
10. Forgetting to Have Fun!
Dating can feel like a high-stakes interview, but it should also be enjoyable. If you’re too tense, worried, or guarded, you might miss out on a great connection.
How to Avoid It:
- Relax. Laugh. Flirt.
- Remind yourself: The worst that can happen is you get a funny story out of it!
Final Thoughts: Are You Ready for That Second Date?
First dates can be a mix of excitement and anxiety, especially if you haven’t been on one in a while. But if you avoid these 10 mistakes, you’ll increase your chances of making a real connection.