Welcome to the wild world of modern dating, where texting is the new foreplay, ghosting is a national pastime, and emojis can make or break your love life. If you’re a widow dipping your toes back into the dating pool, congratulations! Now, put down that rotary phone and prepare for a crash course in digital romance.
Here are 10 texting rules that will keep you sane, stylish, and (hopefully) smitten in the brave new world of dating:
1. Don’t Lead with Your Widow Story
Yes, your love story was beautiful. Yes, it’s a huge part of who you are. But girl, the first five texts aren’t the place for it. You’re trying to spark a new connection, not audition for a Hallmark movie. Keep it light, keep it fun, and save the deep conversations for an actual date.
2. Avoid “Hey” and Other Snooze-Worthy Openers
If you’re still sending “Hey” as an opening text, you might as well just type, “I’m boring, please ignore me.” Instead, try something engaging: “I saw your profile says you make the best lasagna, ready to prove it?” A little curiosity goes a long way.
3. Emojis Are Your Friend… Until They’re Not
A well-placed can make you seem flirty. A string of 17 heart-eyed emojis? Yikes. Use them sparingly, otherwise, you risk looking like your grandkids got a hold of your phone.
4. Don’t Text Like a Shakespearean Ghost
Resist the urge to text like you’re drafting an official document. “Good evening, Richard. It is with great pleasure that I extend my greetings on this fine day.” Nope. Just nope. Keep it casual, like you’re chatting with a friend, not reciting a soliloquy.
5. No Novels, Please
If your text is longer than a CVS receipt, it’s too much. Save the life stories and deep confessions for an actual conversation. Keep it short, sweet, and engaging.
6. Don’t Wait Three Days to Reply (This Isn’t the 90s)
Somewhere in the ancient times of dial-up internet, people believed waiting three days to respond made you seem mysterious. These days, it just makes you seem uninterested (or bad at charging your phone). Reply in a timely manner, but don’t hover like an overenthusiastic customer service rep.
7. If He’s Not Matching Your Energy, Move On
If you’re sending paragraphs and he’s sending one-word answers, he’s either emotionally unavailable or texting you from a hostage situation. Either way, keep it moving. You deserve effort.
8. Read Between the Texts
If someone only texts late at night, never asks questions about you, or consistently “forgets” to respond, they’re not serious. Actions (and consistent communication) speak louder than words, or lack thereof.
9. Beware of Love Bombers and Scammers
If a guy texts you poetic sonnets and professes his undying love within a week, he’s either a scammer or a walking red flag. Either way, don’t Venmo him anything, and definitely don’t fall for the “I’m overseas and need help” story. Block and move on.
10. Know When to Take It Offline
At some point, the goal is to actually meet this person, not become their pen pal. If they keep dodging real-life plans but text you daily, they’re either emotionally unavailable, married, or just in it for the ego boost. You’re here for a relationship, not a virtual pen pal club.
Final Thoughts: Texting Can Be Fun… But Real Connection Is Better
Texting should be playful, easy, and enjoyable, but it should never replace real connection. The goal isn’t to master the perfect texting strategy; it’s to find someone who makes you excited to put your phone down and spend time in the real world.
Now, tell me: What’s the worst (or funniest) dating text you’ve ever received? Drop it in the comments, I need a good laugh!