If you’re back in the dating game after losing your spouse, first of all, hats off to you! It’s not easy putting yourself out there again. But let’s be real: dating as a widow is not the same as dating in your 20s.
You’ve got history, depth, and a killer ability to detect nonsense from a mile away. But here’s the thing, sometimes, without even realizing it, you might be doing things that send good men running for the hills. And we don’t want that, do we?
So, let’s get real. Here are 10 things that might be scaring good men away, and how to stop doing them!
1. Talking About Your Late Husband Too Much
Why it’s scary: A good man wants to build a future with you, not compete with a ghost.
How to fix it: It’s absolutely okay to talk about your past, but keep it balanced. If every conversation somehow loops back to “Jim used to do that too,” your date will feel like an intruder at his own dinner table. Instead, focus on shared experiences and new memories.
2. Acting Like You Don’t Need a Man (Even If You Don’t!)
Why it’s scary: Confidence is attractive, but extreme independence can make a man feel unnecessary.
How to fix it: It’s okay to be self-sufficient, but let a man open the pickle jar every now and then. Relationships thrive on giving and receiving, so let him contribute, even in small ways.
3. Comparing Him to Your Late Husband
Why it’s scary: No one wants to live in another man’s shadow.
How to fix it: Acknowledge that your new relationship is just that, new. Appreciate this man for who he is, not how he measures up to your past.
4. Moving Too Fast (Or Too Slow)
Why it’s scary: Rushing into something screams desperation, while dragging things out forever screams uncertainty.
How to fix it: Let things unfold naturally. Enjoy the process instead of focusing on where it’s going.
5. Playing Hard to Get (Too Hard!)
Why it’s scary: Good men don’t want to chase forever. They’ll eventually just stop running.
How to fix it: Flirting is fun, but don’t treat him like a job interview candidate who needs to “prove his worth.” Show real interest if you’re actually interested!
6. Carrying Emotional Baggage Like a Suitcase Collection
Why it’s scary: Everyone has baggage, but dragging it into every conversation can make dating feel like a therapy session.
How to fix it: Work through your past, but don’t let it define your future. If needed, get support from a counselor or a trusted friend before bringing heavy emotions into a budding romance.
7. Expecting Perfection
Why it’s scary: No man wants to feel like he’s constantly under review.
How to fix it: Drop the checklist. Nobody is perfect, including you! Focus on core values and connection rather than nitpicking minor flaws.
8. Letting Friends or Family Dictate Your Love Life
Why it’s scary: If he feels like he’s dating your entire social circle, he’s going to feel overwhelmed.
How to fix it: Keep certain aspects private and trust your own judgment. It’s your relationship, not a group project!
9. Acting Like All Men Are the Same
Why it’s scary: Saying things like “All men cheat” or “Men only want one thing” makes a good man feel like he’s being punished for crimes he didn’t commit.
How to fix it: Approach dating with an open mind. There are good men out there, if you believe they exist!
10. Forgetting to Have Fun!
Why it’s scary: If every date feels like a “serious business discussion about long-term compatibility,” he’ll start looking for the nearest exit.
How to fix it: Relax! Laugh, flirt, enjoy the moment. Love isn’t an exam you have to pass, it’s an experience to enjoy.
Final Thought: Are You Ready to Welcome Love Again?
Dating after loss is complicated, but it’s also an opportunity for a beautiful new chapter. The key? Self-awareness and openness.
So tell me, have you ever caught yourself doing any of these things? Or have you seen them in action? Drop a comment below and let’s talk!