So, you’re thinking about dating again. Maybe it’s been a while, maybe not. Either way, the idea of getting serious with someone new probably brings a mix of excitement, nerves, and a little bit of, “Ugh, do I really want to go through this again?”
I get it. You’ve been through more than most. You’re not here for games, heartbreak, or another round of emotional gymnastics. You want something real, something solid. So before you dive headfirst into a relationship that might end in either fireworks or a cringe-worthy disaster, ask yourself these six essential questions.
1. Am I Ready for This, or Do I Just Hate Being Alone?
It’s easy to mistake loneliness for readiness. Sure, cuddling up next to someone who smells nice and remembers your coffee order sounds amazing, but are you actually open to love? Or are you just tired of explaining to people why you’re still single? If you’re not truly healed or at least actively working through your grief, that baggage will show up, uninvited, in your new relationship. And trust me, no one wants to date unresolved trauma.
2. Does This Person Make My Life Better, or Just Less Boring?
Let’s be real: a warm body is not the same as a good partner. If you’re only interested in them because they’re available and mildly entertaining, pause. Do they challenge you? Support you? Make you laugh until you snort? A serious relationship should add depth and joy to your life, not just fill the silence when Netflix asks, “Are you still watching?”
3. Can They Handle the Reality of My Past?
This is non-negotiable. Your history is part of you, and if someone feels “weird” about your late spouse or tries to pretend they didn’t exist, RED FLAG. The right person will respect your love story and understand that moving forward doesn’t mean erasing the past. If they can’t handle a conversation about your previous life, they’re not emotionally mature enough for the real you.
4. Are They Secure, or Am I About to Babysit a Grown Adult?
Listen, you’ve already done the whole “taking care of someone” thing. You don’t need a partner who melts into insecurity every time you mention your late spouse, has a meltdown when you don’t text back immediately, or gets jealous of a framed photo. Emotional security is sexy. Clinginess is not. Choose wisely.
5. Do We Want the Same Things, or Am I Just Hoping They’ll Change?
If they say they never want to get married again, believe them. If they hate dogs and you have two, this is an issue. If they think Taco Bell counts as fine dining and you’re more of a Michelin-star kind of woman, well… Houston, we have a problem. Don’t settle for “potential.” You deserve someone who aligns with your vision, not someone you hope to mold into your dream partner.
6. Would My Late Spouse Want This for Me?
This isn’t about comparing. It’s about honoring your standards. If your late spouse had a front-row seat to this new relationship, would they cheer you on or cringe? You deserve someone who loves you fully, respects your journey, and brings out the absolute best in you, not someone who just happens to be available.
Dating after loss isn’t for the faint of heart. But if you’ve asked yourself these questions and feel good about the answers, go ahead, open your heart. Love again. Just don’t settle for mediocrity.
What’s the biggest challenge you’ve faced while dating again? Drop a comment below, I’d love to hear your thoughts!